she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
