could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
