All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
