I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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