Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
