dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
