I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
