She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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