just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
