i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
