Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
pop tarts are not kleenex
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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