did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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