Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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