can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
