why im i the only drunk person in the library?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize