woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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