can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
