I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
