I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
