I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
