I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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