I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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