i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
