I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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