you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
