Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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