My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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