Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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