I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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