Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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