just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
