i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
