Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
