Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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