idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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