so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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