Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
In other news, I just burned my penis
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
