Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize