Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
