I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
