i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
