I like my sex mixed with concussions.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
