U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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