this beer tastes like vomit already
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
