I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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