Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
