I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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