drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Pants are for mortals
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
