I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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