Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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