There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
