UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I love how my cats smell like pot.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
