tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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