I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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