dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
