Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
