Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
