haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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