One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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